Soul Expressions

Love's Choice

2012-02-08T16:59:00.001-08:00

I hear the hurt

behind the words you speak

I see the pain

from the ones you don't

I hear your heart

crack

open

with each word

hurled in anger

from the lips

of those

you cherish

I wish

I could wrap you

in a love so strong

you'd never feel

the sting of broken

dreams again

I can't

You wouldn't let me

if I could

because

each time your heart breaks

it binds together

grows even bigger

to reach out yet again

to those

who never speak

the two words

that would mean so much

Thank you

I can say them

I do

but I don't hold your heart

but know this

since you are in mine

I will bleed with you

You can have my breath

You can have my hope

You can have my love

and use it

to heal your world

Then I'll walk away

if you want me to

The only thank you

I need

is knowing that at last

you are loved and needed

You are happy

You are safe

You are everything to me

so everything I am is yours

By Connie Whiting

Snapped

2012-01-15T03:48:00.001-08:00

You're going to break

That's what you think

Snap

like a dry twig

in a forest

of dying trees

dead leaves

scattered

like the pieces

of your broken heart

Tears

you've cried too many

you think

you must be marked

permanent

scars

upon your face

a testament

to all your pain

so clear to you

yet invisible

to those

that promised

they would always stay

Another storm blows past

roaring like wind

in ears

that have heard so many lies

so powerful

surrounding you with fury

and emotion

once the storm has gone

you find

you've birthed anger

from your pain

and strength

so strong

much more than

you once knew

you didn't break

You dug in the roots

of faith and grew

into a better

wiser you

Now

you stand

an oak

among the driest twigs

your arms branch out

reaching for the sun

The hope of warmth

this cleansing

season

has transformed you

into what you've always been

beneath the deepest hurt

a beautiful regal loving queen

certain of

her worth.

By Connie Whiting
All rights reserved

Scarred

2012-01-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

Beyond and before this time I've seen you

my heart recognizing who you are

like mist through my fingers

you've slipped past my present

time and time again

bits and pieces of what might have been

in each one I've loved

and lost

All ghosts

Fragments

of what could be

but never will

until

we offer hearts

with scars and all

trusting love again

By Connie Whiting
All Rights Reserved

Sleepless Night

2011-11-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

Another sleepless night I see

Where thoughts race

Can’t pretend to be.....OK

The only sound

A lighter click

Flame forms a fire teardrop

in the darkness

of my world

Maybe I just feel too deep

Because my heart just won't let go

of memories

for each crack it carries

Or maybe

I just think too much

of what could have been

and how it turned into

what never was

Suck in smoke

A moment’s peace

as it fills my blood

I hate these things

I want to quit

But then

What would calm my head

on these sleepless nights

in a lonely bed

But

I remind myself

It’s just a night

It’s just a thought

A pain

Part of our existence

is this

standing in the rain

holding fast through life's storms

waiting for the sun

Tomorrow is a different day

Another chance

to know the past is past

and I have just begun.

Connie Whiting

Loss of the Children

2011-09-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

Child

no more tears

from staring eyes

barely strength to breathe

the pain inside

so much more

than from welts

on so small a frame

by one who should

protect

the life they

made.

Baby gasping

for mother's milk

from breasts long run

dry

only thing left to do

in this famished land

is to lie in her arms and die

Child crawling

through dirt on

a wooden slat

limbs lost

in a war

never understood

through haunted eyes

Where are your heroes

the love

the food

the compassion

which is your birthright

within the bounds of any land

Where are the hands to hold you

the voice to sing a comfort

the offering of food

and hope

to bring you through the pain

and release you from such hurt

in your young lives

So shameful

that those that brought you

to this world

build bombs

desire drugs

waste time

on pursuits

so evil

while you lay dying

for want of just a crumb

of humanity.

Connie Whiting

2011

2011-09-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Your heart

so broken

your mind

so scared

your life

so scarred

you are so lost

wandering through

a maze of days

wondering

if anyone notices

or hears the tears behind

the mask you wear

the answer

simple

yes

But they too

are broken

scared

and scarred

their eyes

dull

and as sad

as yours

their mask

like yours

Take off the masks

share your broken heart

polish off a dream

and give it to another

Love

and allow love

for it is the only healing

power we have

so we can help

one another be

Whole

Unafraid

Healed

Connie Whiting

2011

Last Dance

2010-11-20T15:08:00.001-08:00

Destiny comes calling

I hang my head in shame
I missed too many chances
because I couldn't play the game
years gone by
I'm older now
things that seemed so real
before
I know at last were
just wisps of lies
make believe

Tired of pretending
to be not what I am
weary of descending
oh God
here I go again

things I thought important
faded like the sun
as time goes on
my life becomes
like cold winter
freezing out all life
please someone
tell me
will I ever be warm
again

years ran through
tumbling into history
like water through
my hands
I listened to the music
but I forgot to dance

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2006

Fallen Sparrow

2010-11-20T15:07:00.001-08:00

Sadly sings the fallen sparrow
trapped in a life he doesn't know
chained forever to the ground
with broken wings

He used to soar
among the clouds
His heart was the heart
of an eagle

He could touch God
and sing a song for the angels
flying high in the sky
feel the sun upon his
face

But now he's just like me
remembers being free
now chained to a life that
kills his soul
a little each day

it's the worst way to die
feeling all hope gone
inside
adjusting to this different life
alone

Time can heal they say
I suppose someday
I'll know if that is true
but for now
I'll be the sparrow
broken winged
but still reaching for the sky
never giving up
We may fly yet

Connie Whiting
Copyright June 2006

Don't Tell Me!

2010-11-04T18:30:00.001-07:00

Don't tell me what I can't do
I prefer
to aim for the impossibilities
in life

Don't tell me what I can't see
I believe
sight involves the heart
not just the eyes
so many stumble
walking blind

Don't tell me who I can't be
I will overcome
anything to find my path
find the reason for my
taking breaths
and occupying space
I will search until I know
where I belong in this
millions upon millions
linked human race

You can see me as you want to
you can stay where it is safe
run around your secure
little wheel
in your rat race world

I will fly
I will be
I will let life make
what it will of me
then
use each tear,each pain
to build my castle in the air
I'll live there
don't tell me it can't be
done
Impossible is not a word
I hear

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2006

Cancer Battle

2010-11-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

Don't think from me
you'll steal my life
I'll fight with all I have
You sneak attack
hide way back
and grow inside
like a thief
hiding in the night
using fear as a weapon
you cut me to the core

You'll win
you say
and tell me lies
like hope won't help
will do no good to pray
you sneak around
but you don't know me
I'll hold my ground
I'll not go easily
I'll fight
I'll win
I'll breathe
I'll live

Because for now you might
have my body
might take precious time from me
but you'll never have my soul
my spirit
my will to live
I will make you see
that you can't just
jump out at me
and cause my strength to flee
can't put me on the run
I'll fight you with all I have
and cancer
you might win a battle
every now and then
but when the war is over
I'll win

By Connie Whiting

Rise of The Phoenix

2010-10-21T02:34:00.003-07:00

From the ashes
of a searing past
I have risen
like a phoenix
lifting up into
the sky

Shedding parts
of who I
once
had been

Changing
slowly into
what I will
become

Leaving burning
embers of my
pain
lying
in the ash
where they
belong
I savor
the rewards
of reaching far
into my soul
and
nurturing that
which makes
me
strong

In the sky
I look down to
see
my past mistakes
so small upon
the
blackened ground
After a lifetime of
condemning
calling out to
me
they now utter
not a sound
As I spread my new
found wings to soar
the thought occurs
Maybe they
are silent now
because I'm
not listening
anymore

Connie Byrd (Whiting)
Copyright@ 1996

Blessings

2010-10-21T02:27:00.001-07:00

Blessings sneak in on angels wings
land softly in your life
sometimes invisible
to our blinded eyes
or oft not even seen
too full of selfish tears
they are

We forget how little things
can lift the heart
a child's smile
a sunny day
taking time to watch the clouds
float away
the icy treat of an ice cream bar
singing alone in your car
to that favorite song
little blessings
so many can not claim

a day at a time
that's how dreams are built
upon gratitude, love
and small blessings
that slip by
unnoticed until we open
our hearts to give joy and
share with those in need
only then do we truly see
that which we receive

Connie Whiting
copyright April 2006

I've Found my Way

2010-10-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

Life has been hard, it's worn me down
so many times I was down on the ground
You said you loved me, but where was your hand
did you reach out, no ,left me lost and alone
But that's ok now, because I've found my way

I struggled with demons that
blamed me for the past
I've cried me a river of tears for so long
calling your name but seeing your back as you walked on
but that's ok because I've found my way

yes I've found my way through the shadow of pain
I've come to the rainbow after the rain
I held my heart, when you didn't care
couldn't be bothered ,so you left me there
don't worry now, it's a new day
and at last, I've found my way

I don't need you
I don't need us
I don't need your lies or the emotional
decay of broken trust
don't get that sad puppy look in your eyes
You're more like the wolf ,it's all lies
when you cry
so walk on out that door again
I don't care where you go or where you've been
It's a new life for me, a new day
I don't need you because
I've found my way

Connie Whiting
copyright 2006

Secrets

2010-10-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

I want to close my eyes
so I can see the life I need
take shape before me

I want to speak up now
say the words I feel
I want to show you
who I really am
will you still be there
if I do
are you really a true friend

I hide behind
this shining screen
showing you a glimpse
of me
I make you smile
and I hope somehow
I've shown you how
to dream again

But if you could see
past the words I type
If you could be here by my side
would you look at me
with disgust in your eyes
because I
have secrets
so many secrets
Things I'm afraid to say
afraid you'll go away

and memories
from so long ago
back when I was a child
of things that a child should never know
so I eat
into an early grave
because I don't have to feel that way

It's easier to chew
then tell the truth to you
food can block the pain
keep the tears away

and men you see my face
on facebook and myspace
you ask me out
say I am so beautiful
but you don't know the size of me
and you don't know how much
I hide me
because love meant fists and lies
abuse of body, soul and mind
so I hide
myself away
wish I could believe
the words that people say

sweet sweet words
fall from their lips
beautiful, an inspiration
so intelligent
no that can't be me
The ghosts whisper
you're dumb and fat and ugly
with your secrets buried deep

and so I ask
If I find courage
to speak up at last
to tell you of the past
to show you all of me
to finally let
my spirit bleed
and cry
will your friendship die
will you care
no matter what my size
so I can heal
quit stuffing for the pain
to become at last
that person that God made
or should I keep on hiding
behind all my secrets
safe yet so afraid

Connie Whiting
Copyright October 2010

Dream

2010-07-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

On a distant shore I see you
happily smiling in the sun
the pain of a past
long forgotten
since our Lord took
you home

Peace lines your face
where once worry was
you glow with a radiant beauty
beyond the beauty had on Earth

I've never seen that sparkle
in your eyes when here
I've never seen you so healthy
and gone is all your fear

I know to some
what I see within this dream
is only that a dream
but when you miss your loved one
a dream means everything

And I for one believe
that it is a message
to we that are left behind
that death is not final
and an end will come
to the bitter tears we cry

someday we will
walk that shore
under billowing clouds
and every person
we've loved and lost
will gather all around
to welcome us
from this life
to the next
like those that
have journeyed on before
we will find peace and rest

By Connie Whiting
July 13, 2010

Life

2010-07-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

Life
you've shown me things
I never wanted to see
You have taken me places
I never thought I'd be
and you have taken from me
things and people
I thought I'd always need

But Life
Through those things
you have taught me
the value
of finding joy in the smallest of things
of taking in a breath
away from the man
that beat me with his fists
and the joy of holding my newborn baby
after losing the ones
that left before life on this earth began
and life
after all the pain you've brought me through
you used it to show me
all the pain that others know too
because in each experience
of abuse
of loss
of lonely
you opened my eyes to see
I wasn't the only one
there were millions of others just like me
who like I
cried in the dark alone

So life thank you
for not giving me an easy way
thank you for shattering my heart
into so many pieces
because when all you have
are millions of slivers left
it's easier to give away part of your heart
to those that haven't learned to love yet
For that's another thing
life and God have shown me
the only way to heal
from others whose angry "love"
spiraled you into pain
is to never stop loving others in
spite of that
and just give your broken heart away
then as each splintered heart
heals another in turn
they become whole
and filled with hope again

So life
thank you for the times
that maybe were not so nice
for they taught me strength
and how to love another
through their pain
because love is really
the only thing that matters in the end

Connie Whiting
2010

No Legs Teacher

2010-06-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

(based on a true experience)

Lord I saw a man today
who put my heart to shame
here I am complaining
how I hurt
moaning on about my fate
when he wheeled on by
a smile on his face
No,not in a wheelchair Lord
He rode on a dirty wooden slat
that moved steadily through the crowd
on shaky rusty wheels
His callused hands and knuckles
pushing him ahead
since he had no legs
In this state
and in his tattered clothes
you'd think he would have been filled
inside with sadness,pain and dread

But no he smiled and shouted up
hello to all that rushed on by
even though they never returned
the words he didn't seem to mind

I wasn't close enough to speak
I'm not sure I even could
so touched I was
to see him
cheerfully wheeling
along the crowded walk
My throat burned with tears
I know I couldn't talk
enough to let him know

that in those swiftly passing moments
when he was in my world
he taught me the meaning of grace
and accepting the burdens one carries
as a gift that helps you grow
and you can still be kind
and happy
offer what you have
even if it's just a smile
and a testament
to courage and living joyously
when your body has become a prison
you can show others that you spirit
still soars free
and life is what we make it
if only we continue to live it
do what we can and try.

By Connie Whiting
Copyright 2006

Happy Mother's Day to the Moms in Heaven

2010-05-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

Mom, I hope you can hear me

out there where you are

I hope that you can see me from

out there in the stars

I know you are with God now

I know you are at peace

but mom sometimes I still cry

wishing you did not have to leave

I remember all the times

you blessed me with a smile

all the times you wiped away my tears

encouraged me to go an extra mile

No matter what others ever thought

or did or said

You were always there for me

with a place to rest a broken heart

and a weary head

I never knew when I was young

just how much you sacrificed

how many dreams of your own

you gave up

to see that I reached mine

I wish that you were here again

so I could tell you one more time

Mom I love you very much

Of all the mothers in the world

I'm so glad that you were mine

As I sit and sift through memory

after memory

I can hear a whisper in my heart

and your voice upon the breeze

Child I am Ok

and I miss you too

but there is so much yet

in your world

that you still need to do

Try not to be so sad

Time will fast march on

and I with God will someday

welcome you home within our arms

Until then know I love you

until then know I still believe

in any dream you have

and in whatever you want to be

I know you feel I'm gone

but I watch over you

you are still my baby

and our time together

is not really through

The only thing I ask

while you are still on earth

just pass on

that love I gave you

for love gives life its worth

So mom I know you hear me

and I have heard you too

I promise I'll live the the best

life I can until

I am again with you

and I hope beyond those clouds

where the angels sing

that on this Mother's Day

you feel the love

this message brings

from your forever child

who will always cherish you.

Connie Whiting

Who Are You?

2010-04-25T01:11:00.001-07:00

Do you know who you are

Where you came from

Do you know why you are here

Do you see yourself as a member of a certain race

A certain social group

If you answered yes you are right

But deeper then that

are answers so simple

so true and honest and real

yet we never see them

Look beyond yourself

and your own small corner

Look into the world

A world of strangers

yet are they really?

Watch the children

Watch them before they

are taught to see the differences

in people

watch them when they still hold close to the similarities

of laughing ,of crying,of playing

actions only come in one language you know

we all pursue the same thing

no matter our place of birth

or our social standing

happiness

We love

We dream

We hope

We hurt

We Strive

We are all more the same then we are different

and children see this

before the tragedy of being taught to separate

overcomes them

We are all one

A human race

of brothers and sisters

waiting for peace to come

even as we hand out hate and suspicion

at the same time about trivial things

like skin color and religion

Isn't it time to answer when asked

who are you

I am a member of the human race

and a link in creating a world of peace

Connie Whiting

A Child's Laugh

2010-04-25T01:08:00.000-07:00

A child's smile does not glitter

like diamonds laid in gold

but on a bitter

angry day

it is precious

to behold

What sweet sound

befalls the ears

when a child laughs

with unencumbered glee

it lifts the soul

the heart takes wings

and sets the dreamer

free

Connie Whiting

Death of the Beast

2010-03-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

Warning..this may be triggering to victims of childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse** It is about healing though and some have told me it has helped them express their feelings plus one person who worked with sexual offenders started reading it to the group in the hopes it would show them the severe pain their actions cause. So please be aware it can trigger.

Death of The Beast
--------------------------

In The darkness of forever
I hide in shame
the beast is close behind me!
I weary of the game
it plays
dangling memories
before my
troubled mind
it creeps
closer..

I hide..
in plain sight
of people
all around.
can't they see
this
beast again
is hunting me ?

No More!
The hunt will end
here and now
My heart
without courage
still shakes
But the beast
is there before me
One of
us must die
for death is better
then this
paranoia
pretending
to be
peace

And so with
all I am
I raise my eyes
at last
to stare upon it's
face
and the eyes that
stare back at me
bring me
to my knees

My sword
of bitterness
and hate
lies useless on the floor
For with this beast I'm
looking at
I won't need it
anymore

Where I thought a
evil monster
would be
waiting to
consume me
instead
a little girl
stands uncertainly
her sadness
moving
through me
such familiar
pain it is
I've felt it all along
and foolishly
became what I thought
was strong

Trembling lips
began to speak
unheard
words
from this
angushed child
a whisper
from my past
in wrenching
sobs

"why did you
run from me?
I needed you so bad
I tried so hard
to find you
you left me all alone
I'm not the beast you
thought I was
I only wanted
to come home
Th real beast
held me down
and hurt me
and you left me there
to face the blame alone!
I'm only 3 years old
and I just wanted
to come home
you grew up
and left me there
but I don't want to stay
please now take me with you
let me be a part of you

All along ,
you thought you were the strong one!
but you ran!
I'm the strong one because
I lived through it
and I waited until
you remembered me
enough so I could follow you
but you were too afraid to see
too full of guilt
please......please...
look at me now"

and again
her words are pleading
tearing at my soul
making me recall
what I've always known

"I'm not a beast
I'm you
and I'v just wanted
to come home
please don't leave
me in the dark again
with the memories
all alone"

Then suddenly I see
the things that she does
the things that
were done
by that beast to us!
and the pain turns to anger
white within my heart
but before I can say a word
she slowly sadly shakes her head
"Don't you understand yet ?
just take me with you and then
the beast is dead !
don't waste time
on anger , pain or fear
lets just leave it back there
in that awful scary year"

Then that little me
she reaches for my hand
and touches my fingers
to her tears
in so small a whisper
the sound loving to my ears
again repeats

"just take me with you
then the beast is dead"

The ice melts from
my warming heart
and flows in streams
from my crying eyes
I pull my child
my me
so close and hug her
drawing her back inside
"Come my little child
we can be together now
because I see
its as you've said
The beast has finally died"

I Am Free

2010-03-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

Do you know my pain
Do you hear the tearing of my
heart in two

Do you see the sadness in my eyes
when ever I
look at you

I hear your words
full of hatred
I see the disgust in your face
but I tell you now
This is the end

Because
in spite of what you think
I'm beautiful
I'm caring and I'm warm
I am loved
I am

So do your best
shoot your arrows of hate
I don't care
I'm not there
in that space anymore

My heart is mending
my tears will dry
I'll not cry
wasted tears anymore over you and what
you think of me

Because here I stand
I am free

Black Dog

2010-03-29T13:04:00.000-07:00

So you are back
black dog
eyes glaring
teeth bared

I won't let you
corner me again
too much of
my life
you have kept
from me
with your
snarling
lunges
at my self esteem

Black dog
bark all you want
I don't care
how long
you stand there
and challange
my success
you can't have me
anymore

Black dog
of depression
I am not your
slave
No longer
will I obey

Come closer

I will look you in the face
and be unafraid

I at last
am mine
no more days
of anguished darkness
so black dog
better run
because
its your turn now
to be afraid

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2006

Power!

2010-03-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

Well look at you
Just standing there
smirking
in your fine clothes
your fancy little hats you wear
Look at you
puffing up with arrogance
staring me down with
that smile
that never reached your eyes

I pity you
poor thing
you don't know I'm different now
Your arrogance
once so intimidating
to me
now just paints you
in a fools coat
Your eyes
once able to chill my heart
into submission
of the destructive kind
now just remind me
of a vacant stare
nothing behind
no depth of head or
heart or soul

Yes I pity you
your power slips
away from me
like melted ice

I have the power now
over me

So stand and smirk
and be the fool
you do it so well
I have better things to do
like create my world
free of you

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2010

Looking Glass

2010-03-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well, look at you
standing there
A beacon from my past
Still have that devilish smile
A young girl back then
saw when she fell like Alice
through the looking glass
into a world
where love was strange
and she hadn't learned yet
of give and take

All these years
I've wandered
without a part of my soul
Living life in places I never
meant to go
Missing how you hugged me
oh and that sweet sweet kiss
Now there you are
again
Now I remember bliss

Wrinkles line our faces
regrets hide behind the smiles
yet life became what it needed to
and happy
for both of us across the years and miles

The time for us is gone now
but you'll always be my friend
I'll keep it my hearts secret
that I'll always love you
past this worlds end

Still it's so good to see you
and know you are all right
Now I won't have to wonder
if you're safe or
wish on stars at night
to go back to those days
when life was you
and a first love wonderland
was new through the looking glass
of youth.

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2010

Broken Fantasy

2010-03-24T05:34:00.000-07:00

No
Turn away
Don't look at me like that
I'm just a fantasy
I'm just someone to move your mind
beyond the walls you hide behind

It's not your fault
It's just that I can't bear
That I'm not real enough
for you to care
It's ok
Just look the other way
before I get lost again
thinking you are a forever friend
when an illusion is all I ever am
a warmth to lose yourself
someone to sit upon a shelf
when the cold comes rushing in

I sit , a waiting illusion
paying for my intrusion
into a world I don't belong
and never will
just keep me on the fringe
of a life I cannot live
Don't look at me
I'll just fade away
into the corners of existence
until you call again
for the painted little puppet
that thought she was a friend

I try not to let tears fall
or I'll catch them with my hand
throw them to the darkness
out upon the wind
Fantasies don't cry
Fantasies don't live
This one bows down and knows
at last
That is all I am.

Connie Whiting
copyright June 2007

Beautiful You

2010-03-24T05:27:00.001-07:00

You want to be an angel
spread wounded wings and fly away
You can't stand seeing life on
earth another day
Everything hurts
in and out of you
your heart has gone way
past the point of just
merely breaking in two

Everybody walks on by
Got no time to talk
you're losing pieces of yourself
but they hurry up their walk
Please just know
it's not that they don't care
It's just if they slow down enough
they'll see their own troubles waiting there

Even God it seems has left
you all alone
No place feels real
It's like you have no home

Everyone keeps coming
holding out their hand
But it seems they only do it
so they can take what they can
don't they know you're empty
don't they know you're sad
no because in their own pain
all they see is the you
they knew in the past

Now you have no more to give
too weary to take another step
Come my friend
I'll carry you
I will let you rest

Just pick up the phone
or send me a note
I'll be there before your
tears can reach the ground
because I see the you
that you are meant to be
Underneath those wounded wings
I see the real you just beneath

Don't give on you
Don't give up on God
There is truth in the words
It's darkest before the dawn
after the rain ,the rainbow
hey you just never know
today just might be the day
it turns around
but only if you hold your head high
stop staring at the ground ,giving up
Carry yourself tall and proud
because even if you don't see it right now
you are loved by a God who keeps his vow
and you are loved by me
and by many you have yet to meet

so don't fly yet
away from us
don't be an angel too soon
you're still a flower
and I can see that you're about to bloom
from anguish and mediocrity
into a beautiful you

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2007

Take Me

2010-03-24T05:21:00.001-07:00

(Written during my mom's final days )

In the sorrows of my heart,I know you
In the shadow of my pain I see your face
In the horrors of a life that gets too hard to live
I see the dreams you had fade away

I want to so much give you
all I can
all I am
and oh God how I wish it were enough
I want to wrap you close in a cloak of love
and keep you safe from yourself

I see your tears fall like wounded stars
that drop from the sky at night
they come slowly down cheeks familiar
a heartbreaking sad sight

I hear your ragged cries of pain
the anguished way you plead
until a plea of my own escapes dry lips
and is freed
Oh God oh God just save her
and instead forsake me

Time goes too fast when good byes loom close
and too slow when a heart breaks and the music
of life ebbs away note by empty note
How can I watch you slip away
like a mist through the fingers I clench
Hope disolves in to dust and I wonder
will this be the last time my lips to
your cheek I press

If only I could give you
some small peace
you don't deserve to leave the world this way
frightened and hurting and feeling betrayed
by a life you don't want to leave

God please tell me
How can I help her
face a journey that ends
right in the steps that she took full of hope
thinking she was right where
her journey would begin

How can I help her go home
not to the one she has known
How can I cry her tears for her
how can I smooth the skin
etched in pain
and bring back the smile
and the light in her eyes
how can I help her live
while she waits in fear
to die

All I can do is give her me
hold her hand, wipe her face with a cool cloth
It's not enough
Oh God please comfort her
I don't know how
to keep her safe
I don't know how to
send her home
I only know how to give her love
It's not enough
to stop her pain
Oh God I plead
stop her suffering
make her whole again
and instead
take me

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2007

God's Lesson

2010-01-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

Look all around you

walking wounded

life's tragedies

people destroyed inside

even if you don't see

them bleed

So many finger pointing people

saying if only they would

do this or another thing

but truth be told

the only lessons we all need

is how to love

those that seem unlovable

is how to help

those that seem beyond repair

Time stands still

for no one

and hope sometimes

gets lost in the race to win

and broken hearts stay shattered

unable to find a way to mend

People tell them

If only you'd learn not to trust

but when one is lost inside

that's the very time that they must

So we call certain ones

the poor, the addicted

the losers, the bums

a tragedy in life

and judge them

by lessons they

must not have learned

like us

But the lessons we all need

is how to humble ourselves

therefore but by the grace of God

go I

we need to learn to love the unlovable

and reach out to those suffering thus

Because the main lesson and commandment

God gave all of his children

no matter what faith or religion

is to go among your brothers and sisters

all of them

and love

Connie Whiting

Words

2009-07-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

Words
such small bits of something used
to express powerful emotion
so empty
they are
like a vase without flowers
a sky without a sun
when emotions lie flat
dead
unspoken
or worse when words fill up
with untruths and hate
they rise like balloons
until they fall deflated
and defeated across
dark shadows

For many words
are knives
honed to a steely point
to wound a soul
to cause even those
we love to bleed
sad
heartbreaking waste

Instead
words need polished
and practiced
and pampered
filled with hope
love
caring
until they are
released
and float
a bubble of peace
to those that hear
that is how
words will heal

speak now

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2009

God's Witness

2009-07-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

Why do people kill
in the name of God
Why do people steal in
the name of love
Why do they hurt each other
while claiming to represent
the Lord above
If you know God
don't say it
I don't have ears to hear
If you want to teach me scripture
show it in the life you live

My eyes are always watching
like the little children at play
they see if your heart is pure
by watching what you do each day
My heart can tell if you're real
and if your God's real too
just by seeing with my own heart
if how you live is true

Now it doesn't matter what
you call him
or in which way you pray
If you ignore all
the suffering that goes on
in our world today
because we're all the children
of a greater being
and every secret thing we do
You can bet that he has seen

He knows if your neighbor is starving
while your food a plenty wastes
He knows if you truly truly love
your family the human race
And I put my faith in the God
of a man that extends his hand
to the helpless and in need
not to the one that shouts
condemnation and passes
the plate with greed

So if you want to share your faith
and witness unto me
show me by the way you share
That is when I'll see
That God is good and you know him
and he really knows you too
That is where I'll want to be
with you worshiping
because real love brings real peace

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2007

Love Struggles

2009-07-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

A heart can only break so much
before love seems to run out
Trust can only be broken once
before one is filled with doubt
New beginnings crumble
like the dust on a country road
when too many promises end
with someone still alone

Used to be I believed
anything could heal
Hope was a magic thing
that I used to feel
Now ,I don't know
the tears in my eyes grow
run down my face

I turn away
so that people don't see
what's become of me
since I gave you my heart
and trusted the lies you told me
about brand new starts

Still I'm not giving up
it's just not my way
It meant something to me
when I vowed to stay
to work on our love
build our dreams
and I'll keep trying
even though it seems

That I'm nothing to you
But a whisper of the past
a haunted love
that will never last
You say you care
I hope you do
because I'm not giving up
on us
on you

Somewhere in there
behind the empty stare
is the person I knew
before we got here
that made me so safe
filled me with peace
the person who loved
and needed me

I won't give up the search
to find you again
The days get long
but you knever know when
We'll rediscover sparks
that lit the blaze
of a fire of love
that burned every day

So hold me now
it's ok to pretend
I'll love us enough
for both and then
you can sort through
what I mean to you
I'm sure you will find
when you do
that life gets in the way
and covers us
but that beneath
the struggle
there is still love

If we hold on
we'll make it through
Until then I'll fight
for you
Copyright 2007 Connie Whiting

Home

2009-07-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

Home

By Connie Whiting
Copyright 2006

I've been gone so long
But I've been thinking about you
decided maybe I was wrong
to give up on you
turn my back
and walk away

Over time I let the
unshed tears in life
build to bitterness
built a wall around my heart
locked me in
locked you out

I couldn't lose the hurt
couldn't lose the worthlessness
of me
The only thing it seems
I lost
was faith

But you know
I hit the bottom
saw what they say in
life is true
when you're too scared to look
around anymore
I found all that
I could do
was look straight up at you

So God here I am again
not sure what I believe
not sure which way to go
just know I feel
so differently
seeing things anew

I was so lost
standing just outside the door
wishing you were real
wishing you would find me
forgetting for so long
all I had to do was ask

I asked at last
for just one thing
not believing it would come
not believing faith could heal
I asked you for an angel
and you sent me friends

you sent me smiles and hope
and love
Thank you God
for staying in my shadow
while I ran from you
until I stood still enough
for you to
through friends
reach out and bring me home

Forever Days

2009-06-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Her walk is so slow
she stumbles ..feet unsure
across the shiny floor
her hands ..they shake
and tremble like
her breaking heart
this lonely night.

A pause by the window
breathes in the air
cool against her translucent skin
remembering when she was
out there..running

Running in the summer air
with the other children
chasing fireflies
laughing when fingers just caught air.

Years rushed by and up
she grew
had children of her own
a life full of ordinary things
that make a house a home,
and still she moved about
back then
so freely as she chose
but years rushed by once more
she didn't see it then
but now she knows.

Forever is so long
when you're young..... time reaches
out before you.
Forever is so real
when you meet your forever love
and join as one
forever is so long
when the one becomes one more
with the first
newborn son or daughter...
time speeds up
begins to rush.

Now here she is at last
most of her forever in her past.
Her children scattered like so many
seeds upon the wind
Her beloved waiting on the other side
of Heaven
Her life's been lived.
She sits alone in a chair
and dreams
lost in her memories
so sad it is
we say,
but it's not as sad as why she's there.
That's worse you know.
It's us you know
We speak with useless words
If you need anything...
If you want anything....
as we rush on by on our own
personal wheel in time
So convinced
So believing
in our own forever
thinking tomorrow we can share a smile with her
take a meal to her
share some hope with her.
We haven't learned her reality, that each day
comes and goes and changes things
that tomorrow may be too late
to soothe her loneliness
to give her back the love
she gave
when her own forever days were ....brand new.

Connie Whiting 2006

2009-06-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Your Chains.

By Connie Whiting

So many things can hold your heart..

in chains

Fear

Anger

Hate

Hurt

Mistrust

Unforgiveness

Prejudice

The list goes on and on

each adding a link

of invisible cold steel

wrapped so tightly

that life becomes...scary

Sad

Lonely

Fearful

Dark

You pull the chain tighter

So tight

until your heart can't be felt at all

and your soul becomes

Brittle

Lost

Breakable

Unbending

Which you mistake for safety

I hurt for you

feel concern for you

even love you

as a sister, a brother

So listen

Hear me

Others may have given you the links

with lies..

backstabbing

emotional attacks

But only you can build the chain

Only you can snap the heavy padlock in place

locking in your hope

freezing up the love you have to give

You have to let it out

so you get it back

and you will

So what do you want

chains of your own choosing

or freedom and healing

Break the chains

Heal

Throw the lock away

Live

Breaking Heart

2009-05-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Listen closely
uneven breathing
a night so dark
can't see across the room
he sleeps
there on the bed
his back
an unpenetratable wall

The clock is ticking
seconds of a life away
a smaller sound
than that which our
voices made earlier
hurling hate
around the room
I sit here remembering
how could love go so wrong
so soon

does he love me
Are we in love
how do I tell
what do i do
tears fall silently
he sleeps on
If we're together
why do I feel so all alone
in love in our bedroom

listen closely
besides the breathing
as he sleeps
another sound
started slowly
whispered quietly
gathering strength
as it grew
nothing special
just my heart
as it breaks in two

Umbrella

2009-05-04T00:17:00.001-07:00

Look at the world
Catch a teardrop
on your palm

Life is so hard
Everyone has pain
In each storm of life
comes a season of
great rain

What can you do
when you're so busy
shielding drops from falling
down on you
mixing with your tears
cried from a broken heart
where can you even start

To heal the hurts of many
who have no one to care
How can you stop the rain
when it has become a flood
of desperation rising up
from a weary world
broken without love

At times like this
the storms
make us all forget
that all we have the key
We are to share our love
reach out to one another
in small and simple ways

Share those things
which with we have been blessed
Love is our umbrella
God's secret
to a healing life
and a place where
from life's storms we rest.

Connie Whiting

Firefly Magic

2009-04-03T21:45:00.001-07:00

Fireflies
natures light
to show the way
remember days when we were kids
glass jars with knife jabbed
hole poked lids

Trees full of blinking
magical mystical beauty
feeling safe in our
child's world
no sight of grown up
worries

just summer nights
so warm
heat hugged our skin
in misty warmth
while we chased
the lights across the yard

To be a child again
running with the wind
on rainy days
sharing secrets
sharing notes
I love you
do you love me
Mark x

Seemed like it would last forever
didn't it
seemed like fireflies
lighting bugs
whatever you grew up calling it

were...

stars that fell from the sky
like living jewels
flashing late in the night
scattered by the hand
of God

but all too soon
even though we didn't know it then
they became
just bugs
and love became
more complicated
then marking X
circling no or..
yes

so sad you say
you think it's gone forever
look again
inside your heart
the ability is still there
to bring the magic
back to summer
all you have to do is care

So grab a jar
a child you love
maybe even the one inside
you still
and chase the scattered jewels
the fireflies
Let them guide you back to find
and cherish
a child's wonder
in living life

Change

2009-02-06T03:56:00.000-08:00

So another day has come and gone
familiar darkness grins from the corners of the room
and whispers once again
that who you are
will never be enough

It's a lie
don't believe it
life goes on
and there's a reason
for the pain
You've got to know it hurts
from falling
before you can fly again

Move your eyes past that
dark place
Look to the stars tonight
Let your pain be the teacher
you made it through the worst
and it will be all right

But only if you let it
only if you stop playing God
doling out self punishment
and hating who you are
is what is keeping you
from climbing to those stars

You must forgive yourself the things
that you regret
you must let go of things
that have caught you in a net
of never believing in yourself
never asking why
what would really happen
if you REALLY tried

God, your past, your demons
are not the ones that left you
behind the wall
No, you've got to see the truth
of it
you hold yourself in your
own chains
willingly
hearing whispers from past ghosts
that aren't still there at all

So raise your eyes from dark corners
hold out your arms to light
forget the past it's over
let go of the hell of night

New days can come to you
if only you believe
and walk out into the dawn
of dreams you can achieve

No don't say you're too weak
Only the strong could have survived
you've come such a long long way
but you stopped too soon to
You held onto self pity you think that you deserve
when hard times made you cry

I know I must seem cold to you
harsh, uncaring cruel
but it's a just a tough love
someone had to tell me too

Courage doesn't mean
you are not afraid
it means you keep on trying
even through the fear
it means you keep believing
in the good inside yourself
and you make a way to be who
you really are
you hold onto that dream
and learn to love yourself
tell the past ones that
have hurt you
they can go to hell
and take their ghosts
to darkened corners
because you won't listen anymore

Copyright 2009
All rights reserved

Gift of a grandchild

2009-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

Curls lie soft against a face

innocent and free

from the hurts of life

for now

protected from

a world of greed

Sleeping there

so sweet

serene

your eyes closed

in an infants slumber

You're my angel on this earth

You make me feel so humble

Baby how you've

changed my world

brought me back up to love

Baby, child, sweet precious one

You're my unexpected gift from God

I never knew that I could

love a child as much as

I loved my own

But there you are

my heart made new

by you

The sparkle of angels

dust sprinkle us

when you smile and coo

baby my sweet grandchild

I will forever love you

Connie Whiting

Copyright 2007

Promise Me

2009-01-28T00:18:00.000-08:00

Some day I know
God will call me home
It could be years
it could be now
There's something I must say
Things that you must know
before I go

Life is never easy
but it's always worth
the struggle to live on
and hurt is always going to be
a part of who you are

But love can heal the sorrows of
the heart
Remember,as bad as you may have it
somebody has it worse
For everyday you stand
somebody crawls
and the people that you envy
still need the touch of a loving hand

Life isn't just to become the one
that has the most
It's reaching out to heal the people
walking wounded breathing ghosts
Don't forget to slow down
in the maddening race
to cry with a friend
or caress loved ones face
For these are the moments
that make up no regrets
The things you will cherish
above all the rest

Don't cry for me
when I am gone
Don't waste the tears
for I'll live on
Spend them instead for the
children that live
with all the hurt
that their abusers give

Reach out to someone
who hides in the dark
melt the ice from a bitter heart
The best way to remember me
is with acts of kindness to others
Don't waste time with grief
just love one another

I'll be with angels
your work goes on
Promise me to keep loving
after I'm gone.

Connie Whiting

All Rights Reserved 2009

My Peace

2008-11-11T02:31:00.000-08:00

He abused me

I'm not sure why

sometimes dinner was late

the baby cried

or a picture was crooked on the wall

He grabbed it

Smashed it on the floor

while screaming

I'm the man of the house!

He’d do strange things

It’s hard to hear words garbled

when you’re drowning in the dishwater

but he’d let me up long enough to hear

I LOVE you Dammit !

I thought I was crazy

that my mind had snapped

like dry twigs

but I know now I was just bending

making peace with what he said

with smiles and tears

Yes dear

You’re the man

No dear

I don't mind entertaining your friend

I soothed and cowed

beneath my angry tears

too afraid to run

but too stubborn to think

I never would

Making peace with him

was how I survived

How I bent and never broke

That was so very long ago

They call it post traumatic stress

but I think the memories serve

to keep me on my quest

of bending still

to life’s demands

but still

too stubborn to break

and while the one who screamed

his love

rots away in his own private hell

I’ll keep on this path of

making peace

but this time

It’s with myself

Connie Whiting

Drinked and Drived

2008-11-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

Drinked and drived
(from a young child's possible perspective)
©1999 Connie W.

you are my sunshine
mommy sang to me
she had lots of songs
she'd sing
so patiently
and games we'd play
and laugh all day
thats what my mommy did with me

brave little one
they called me
when mommy had to go
shes with jesus they told me
but what I'd really like to know

Mr in the car that night
did you mean to make me cry
did you get so thirsty you had to drink
before you drived

did you have a little child too
waiting home for you
if you did
why Mr why
did you drink before you drived

they have it on tv
all the families
where mommies and daddies die
little children too
cause people get too thirsty
I guess
then they drink and drived

mommy and me prayed for them
and sometimes mommy cried
for that little baby who never got born
cuz someone drinked and drived

now people pray for me
and probably for you too
if you see mommy in heaven
will you tell her
I can tie my shoes
tell her that I miss her
daddy misses her too
I'll pray for your little boy
if you have one
I know how sad he feels
we both wish
that night you never drinked and drived
I miss my mommy mr
I wish she didn't died
**************************

Please..Don't Drink and Drive

Photo Source

Night People

2008-11-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

Night drips down
dark on dark
like a heart
broken too
many times
Quiet seeps through
saddened souls
while the world is sleeping
Lonely lives wait for dawn
frightened people sit
like stones
afraid to breath
Hoping for the warmth of sun
to thaw their hearts
and heal their bones
made weary
by a life that never leaves the night

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2007

2008-07-22T04:36:00.000-07:00

There is a place between the heart and soul
way back beyond those walls you've built
You might not even see it anymore
with so much sadness covering it
But just believe
that's all you have to do
When the time is right
God will bring it back to you
What could he bring you ask
after all the pain I've seen
once again just believe
go by faith
and you'll see
that there tucked in that little hiding space
in that tiny secret place
Are the dreams that refuse to die
They are hopes remaining for your life
just believe
and God will bring the good to be
maybe not in your time
and maybe you don't understand
but everything we need of worth
comes through his time and plan
He didn't give you life
just to let you cry
There's a spark inside of you
hiding with those sweet dreams too
just hold on ,through your grief
God will heal your heart
Just believe

Connie Whiting
Copyright 2007

2008-07-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

Our world tips

precariously

about to fall

into a destiny

that was never meant to be

Life

means nothing

people die

over things that mean

even less

Tears fall

from eyes

afraid to see

afraid to look upon

another angry face

trust breaks down

we are

a dying human race

Hurt has become

what feeds the heart

We are losing

humanity

part by broken part

Please

don't hide behind

a busy life

don't walk away

we are the only hope

to bring us all

back to being safe

Gather up

the love

gather up

the depths of you

not blackened by

the stain of hate

and pride

Maybe if we join together

the bits and pieces left

of hope and love

we can make a patch worked peace

to save all the broken left

to bleed

in a world that

tips

precariously

dropping us into

a destiny

that's becoming reality

Connie Whiting

2008-06-01T06:59:00.000-07:00

Evening Falls.. - Enya

The Forgotten People

Forgotten people are everywhere
you don't have to look too far
to see they're there
Underneath their faux smiles
they fade away in quiet agony
giving up hope
convinced nobody cares

It's the girl that rang your sale today
it's the man on the corner with a sign
it's a child walking home alone from school
it's even that loved one by your side

Open your eyes and really see
who they are, and what they need
when you ask someone, "How are you today?"
Look behind their polite words of "fine"
to the worries and heartache inside

I know you understand me
I know you've been there too
I know there have been times
when the forgotten one was you

remember what it felt like
to drift on a sea of pain
forever smiling at the world
while deep inside feeling
like you'd never know happy again

forgotten people
they're all around us
just going through
the motions in life
but numb like they're dead inside

So share some hope, a hug, a touch
find out what has shattered their heart
and show them they are not alone
I promise it won't take very much
Just listen with a giving heart
love them like you want to be loved

Because forgotten people
are everywhere
It's the man that yelled at
you on the freeway today
It's the person in a church
that preaches and prays

It's the quiet person in a crowd
that seems to just be shy
It's the scared newcomer to this country
just trying to change his life
It's your child, your friend, your boss
your parents, a stranger
your husband or your wife

It's not too hard to see
It's not too hard to do
just open your heart and be the friend
you needed when that forgotten person was you

Connie Whiting